For those struggling with depression sleepless nights is something we can be all too familiar with.
Things that have caused me sleepless nights
- Anger – The neighbors leave they dog outside at night from time to time and it cries the entire time begging to be let inside. This always happens from 1-3am. (My husband has to leave for work at 4am… this makes us both upset)
- Worry – When I have had a bad day and I begin to worry did I do something wrong? Does anyone actually care about me? Am I a good wife? Thousand of questions run through my head which will bring me to the next one
- Distraction – When those worrisome thoughts come to mind I distract myself (personally with Korean Drama’s) I just can’t stop watching once I start a new show I have to watch till the last episode to find out what will happen. Next thing I know it’s 3am and my husband is chastising me for not sleeping again. (The plus side to this I get a guilty please because our roommate comes home from work at midnight and get sucked into the show supper fast and ends up watching with me.
- Frustration – Many times I get home from a long day of work, followed by a long night at church, walk thru the front door and immediately get frustrated. Why? Because the house is a wreck. I know I am not the only one to experience this. Weather it’s dirty because I had been lazy and depressed and didn’t clean after myself or my husband left a mess in the front room because he works 80hrs/week and was too tired to walk his dishes to the kitchen. Dirty is dirty, and then our pug just has a field day with it and drags any left over trash all around the house. She feels helpful at least haha! So then I spend my night awake and super cleaning the house (Exactly what happened last night). And I don’t just mean the light cleaning to where everything looks clean – I cleaned and organized my whole garage last night at 2am. I just made sure I was in bed before 3am when my husbands alarm was due to go off. This makes the whole next day miserable in some since because of the sleep deprivation. At the same time I feel happier today knowing that my house is clean and I will not be as frustrated when I get home tonight to relax in my nice clean house.
- Health – I have diabetes, it sucks and it is difficult to manage. This causes so many different things including frequent urination. Which as you can guess means I am up ever 2-3 hours without a nice restful night. Sometimes this causes me to be restless as well. On this front I will continue to try my best to be healthier with food, exercise, and sleep. It is too important to to take serious!
These are just a few reason of why I am not able to get my desired 8 hours a night of sleep. On top of this list there are times when all of them effect me at the same time and I am struggling to do my best to get healthier so I decided midnight is the perfect time for a walk; however, being a short women with a small dog, I feel it is not safe to do this at night and try to convince myself that I can wake up early in the morning and walk the dog. But I typically don’t and it starts the cycle all over again.
Looking back on this list, I am sure there is so much more that could have made the top 5. But when it comes to depression besides finances these things effect my everyday attitude the most. I just have to keeps telling myself, life is good. I can change my health, I can do something small each day to keep from being frustrated, worried, and angry so I will no longer need to distract myself. I want to live life and experience everything it has for me. This is my journey and I will dive in to find out what is at the bottom so I can reach the top and breath with confidence.