Anger, grief, sorrow, pain all mixed with a little hope. This is my attitude this morning as I am writing.
I have written on here before about one of my sisters in particular in Helping or Enabling? As you all my know I bought her a plane ticket home last week in time for my mothers birthday. It was great the whole family cried as we were happy to see her home again.
Now the reason for all the mixed emotions today. She decided to leave again, and yes again without telling anyone goodbye. My husband reminds me hourly that I need to be quick to forgive her and tell her how much she is loved. Even through she is family it is hard in that moment of hurt to only say nice things. Because I want to be brutally honest in such a way that I may say some hurtful things. I want to tell her this is a horrible mistake and not to do it, but I also no that it will only drive her away that much more.
So what can I do? Tell her I love her, that I will always be here for her if she needs help even if I don’t agree with her life choices. She is my sister and cannot be replaced.
Yesterday upon hearing the news I was so angry and heartbroken I began to have a panic attack. I wanted to stay home from work today and wallow in my pity. I was even more angry when my husband told me I had to go to work. I said some not so nice remarks in my head to both people. Then I went home, I slept, I woke up, and here I am at work today. I am happy I didn’t stay home, it would have enabled me to stay in this place of despair and darkness thinking about what is going on that she would chose to be so hurtful to her family. Then I started to think about all the times I felt like running away growing up. I was so angry when I graduated high school that I moved out of my parents house on graduation night. I did say goodbye and moved into a safe home with people I knew; however, that doesn’t change the fact that I made the same choice as her and I ran away from facing my hurts and insecurities. My parents loved me and supported me through that time just as they are supporting my sister in love. We differ a little because she is not moving into the best of places with some people we wish she would stay away from but I will love her regardless of where she moves and the choices she makes.
I see the heart break in my families lives and I wonder did I break their hearts this much when I left? My relationship improved greatly with my family once I moved out, but I was also making choices they approved of once I left the house by going to school and volunteering.
I am going to chose to put fear of what could happen to her behind me and focus on the hope of this is her life changing moment. The moment she has decided to move, she has made a choice and I pray it will better her as a person as she goes through this hard lesson called life.
For those that pray I covet your prayers for my sister for those who believe in good vibes I appreciate all the good thoughts you send this way
Remember Hope, Remember Love, Remember Peace
Let's Talk Depression 
I feel your sadness, it’s not easy to watch someone make bad choices but they are her choices but she will learn and grow from them. On the other hand you can ask why you feel the need to try and save her? What are your fears? Is it fear or is it anger? Remember where one door closes another one opens, I’m sure this will be the case for both of you.
Sending you virtual love and healing vibes x
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Thank you, I will think on those things
I appreciate the virtual love and healing 😉
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God knows you did your best to help out with this sister who needed a hand. The time to focus on what God has for you next is more important now than what’s happening with your family. Now focus on yourself and get the most important things done first.
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Hi, I just wanted to let you know that I nominated you for the Liebster Award on my blog. I have not experienced depression personally, but I have a friend who is in a very dark place right now. I’m doing my best to help, but it is hard to know what the right thing for me to do is. That’s why I nominated you, because you aren’t afraid to talk about hard topics, and I think it would definitely benefit a lot of bloggers if they checked out your page. ❤
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Thank you so much 🙂 I really appreciate your kind words and nominations.
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You’re welcome. ❤️
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I think your sister definitely knows she has a family who deeply loves her, especially you…as for not agreeing with her life choices, and if they do keep giving you grievances.. perhaps you will just have to put aside a lot of your hopes for how you wish her life should be. There’s always a chance that one day her life with settle more, but maybe she is a little lost in what she truly wants.. and doesn’t often know how to express herself judging by her lack of goodbyes.. however I don’t know her so I shouldn’t be labeling her either. I hope one day you will all have happiness together and your emotions of anger and hurt will be a thing of the past! Just take comfort in the thoughts that you all shared a happy moment with your mom, that is worth it’s weight in gold.. memories like that just being together even when things aren’t perfect.. you gifted her with more memories of being together as a family ❤ that is what is important ❤
M & Bear
http://www.pawprintsandmint.com
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Thanks for sharing your heart. I will pray, as it comes to my mind. I understand this all too well, actually. I too, was a runner, in some ways, I still can be. I run when things get painful or tough… too much for my brain to grab hold of. I suppose it has much to do with my upbringing… running never solves problems, though. Communication is difficult and trying to grab your emotions by the horns when they feel like they are charging through everything around. Peace and prayers.
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