Selfishness – Learning Self-Control

Always saying yes is not selfless, it’s Selfish 

Selfish – adjective 1. (of a person, action, or motive) lacking consideration for others; concerned chiefly with one’s own personal profit or pleasure. (Google Translation)

Are you a person who is selfish or selfless?

What is being selfless? Being absent of one’s own self needs, profit, or pleasure? Putting others before yourself? Or being mindful of not only your own needs but those of your spouse, your children, your parents.

And which am I?

As of resent I have realized I went from being selfless to being more selfish. There used to be a point in my life where I said yes to everyone for everything. I stretched myself so thin that I began to break down because I had all the time in the world for everyone else to the point that I neglected my own mental and physical health. Yes other people thought I was great, and if anyone was in need the first response was talk with Kathryn, she can help you.

That was my heart, I wanted to help everyone, I would volunteer at a monuments notice. All until the “Great Animal Cracker Crushing” incident. You see I had been doing everything for everyone and I was in charge of Children’s Ministry for a Church with over 500 kids. I was also in charge of cleaning the whole church and like most churches not everyone had that same mission in life as I did to serve with all their heart. One night after a long week where I had no one to help me clean church for a Sunday I made my way down to the building at 10pm to begin cleaning till about 2am. I didn’t mind, or so I told myself. I went through washing windows, cleaning toilets, and vacuuming floors all whilst singing worship songs at the top of my longs. ( I love music and I always singing and dancing throughout the day.) Everything was clean I went home to sleep and came back to church the next day for my busy Sunday to begin. I walk into on of the children’s classes to set up for the lesson that day. And low and behold someone had already been there. Their child had a box of animal crackers that they had thrown all over the floor as if they were a flower girl and then proceeded to run over them crushing those little bits of vanilla crackers into the freshly cleaned carpets. I was livid! With anger welling up in my heart, I went and got a vacuum after taking a video of the mess while ranting to myself about how ridiculous it was that one of the staff’s children would make this mess and their parent did not clean it up. I cleaned up and moved on but I was still hurt as I had been crying through the frustration as I cleaned for round two.

Someone wiser than myself told me after this that I need to learn how to say no. If I am becoming angry while doing the thing I love. Maybe I don’t love doing that as much as I thought.

Learning to say no, was the best thing for me. It was life changing. As of recent however, I have gotten back into the habit of saying yes all the time. I may think that is selfless except in  honesty it is the most selfish thing I can do. Because I have said yes to everything else I have neglected myself and my husbands needs.

It’s time to learn self control… I want to be a wife who pays attention. I want to be someone who enjoys what I am doing. I want to be a good balance of selfless and selfish. I still have a heart to serve people but I need to being mindful of the people in my life and make my priorities known.

So please this week, reflect on your actions. Are you Selfless, Selfish, or do you practice Self-Control?




5 thoughts on “Selfishness – Learning Self-Control

  1. I agree with you that always saying yes can be selfish, and I think it’s possible to say no for selfless reasons. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we are less able to take care of those who are close to us. As you say, it’s all about priorities.

    Liked by 1 person

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