Hello wonderful world of bloggers. I have been taking a break from this blog recently as my family has been going through some major things.
We have also been in the process of setting up a few new companies and our youtube channel …. Check it out and subscribe please Big Guy’s on Tiny Toilets
Our new restaurant’s grand opening is schedule for May 15th so we are still running full force in preparation for this. We will be having a food blog for this as well. Please check it out and follow us. Regular posting will happen here starting May 15th. Bloom’s Food Blog
I will begin regularly streaming on twitch either late May or Early June. Twitch Channel I always appreciate views follows and conversation during streaming.
During these last few months I have gone through extremes of emotions. There have been situations that have driven me into the throws of depression, the waves of anger, the doubts of the future, and the hope to recover.
This last week I have been thinking a lot about taking my thoughts captive, and not being help captive by them. There are times when depression overwhelms me but I have no reason in my mind for why I feel that way. Being someone who believes in God I sometimes believe these feelings are not mine; however, they are a sign that someone close to me is struggling with those thoughts and need prayer and for someone to reach out to them.
Other times I know exactly why my mind starts to doubt myself and I begin feeling those emotions for myself. For example, last night I had a dream, I don’t remember all of it but I remember knowing that this was a dream and I was so confused by what was happening and what it meant. It was playing out like a romance manga that I had been reading the night before; however, the charming prince never came when I needed to be rescued. As I was walking through the mansion I keep wondering why is this happening what kind of dream is this what did that mean? Then all of a sudden I was in the back yard in a pool beating someone underwater who had attacked me. I was shocked because I am not physically strong in the real life. But this person said something to me that very deeply hurt my heart (a real emotional response began). This was something I actually fear and struggle with. I was overwhelmed with rage by what this person said and began fighting back under the water to the point where I punched this guy in the face so much that I broke his jaw. I then swam to the surface for a breath and then dove back into the water to rescue the person I had just beat. I didn’t want them to drown to death so I grabbed them and threw them out of the water. I then got out myself surround by people watching the situation unfold and walked away with tears streaming down my face.
These emotions all felt so real. I wanted to know what would happen next, I was watching this from a third person point of view at this time. I walked through the mansion to the front where I could get in my car and leave. As I made my way to the entrance I kept thinking where is my prince charming, where is someone who will see the tears streaming down my face and hold me, were is the person who will get angry on my behalf and fix everything. But no one came, I made it to the door and began to look for my car when I saw my father walking with a broken foot and crutches try to make his way over to me. I didn’t want him to see me crying or to get angry on my behalf. I was so terrified of what would happen if he found out.
The emotion and the fear in that moment was so real that I didn’t want to know what was going to happen I physically forced myself to wake up.
I am no expert on dreams, but this dream was so mixed up, I knew it was a dream – (this rarely happens) I was able to control what was happening, and yet the reality of the emotions were so overwhelming. Was my heart trying to process emotions I was not letting my brain tell me about? I think my heart was trying to tell my mind that I had fear in my life about something I had not yet figured out.
As I woke up a began to think, why did I have that dream, what does it mean to me? How should I respond to it? I think there are some things in our pasts that we believe we have already dealt with emotionally. Yet all the sudden it comes back as a deeper layer and we need to talk the time to reflect on it again and work through forgiveness, peace, and understanding about how it effects our hearts.
So if you are like me and you think your problems are sorted out and don’t bother you anymore in a certain area. But then it started to bother you again, don’t ignore it. Face it head on and get help if you need it. You can feel so much more free after dealing with those secrete emotions of the heart.
So I made a trip to go see someone close to my heart to talk with and sort through these emotions. I don’t want to be held captive by my fears, and emotions. I want to move forward and experience life.